Rat panic!
by Abbeldy
Summary: What happens in Emily's panic room? Idea for this story by Aaron Berman. This is quite fictional, the circumstances and all, do not take things literally.


The real panic in the panic room!

Lorelai and Rory stood outside the Gilmore house and stared at the door. Rory looked at the door and then at her mom. "Mom, you know you have to ring the doorbell right? That's how they'll know we are here! I don't think Grandma is evolved enough to see through things. X-men is still a theory, though you'd like to believe otherwise!"

"Dude! X-Men is totally true. Anyway, it's just that I really don't want to be all like hey mom! Remember how Luke and I got together when Rory left? Well, that's over with and I'm so totally in love with Chris. He truly is my soul mate! Well, I can't do that Rory!!!"

"Mom! I think this will be THE best news you give her! She wasn't all that fond of Luke and you know how much she loves dad! And this is a good thing. You and dad already went on a date and you said that all the love stuff is still there!"

"Love stuff? Since when did you become so shy? It's sex Rory! Sex!"

"I became shy when it concerns my mother and my father! No matter how much "friends more than mother and daughter" we are, it's still the single most disgusting thing ever!"

"Hahaha! Okay. You really think they will be happy about this?"

"Yes! Now can I please ring the doorbell? My feet are starting to ache!"

"Fine. But if they are not, you will owe me BIG!"

Rory rings the doorbell. After a minute the door opens and a new maid takes their coats. They go into the sitting room where they see Emily and Richard waiting for them.

"So you finally decided to ring the doorbell? Well, Richard, looks like I get that bracelet after all!"

Lorelai looked guilty and confused. "What bracelet? And you knew we were outside?"

"Why yes Lorelai. Rory, while I may not be a, what is it that you said? Yes, a mutant, I must say that my hearing is excellent. And Lorelai, it will be a big relief for you to know that I wholly approve of you and Christopher, you are meant to be. Although, I don't see the need to embarrass Rory by discussing your sex life with her. That must stay behind closed doors. What would you say if I told you that Richard and I copulated 5 times last night! It was a record of sorts."

"Grandma! You know what X-men is???"

"Emily! This is not an appropriate discussion topic! Please cease this at once. Now what drinks would you ladies like?"

"Mom! Gross! I cannot believe you just told me that! Now I shall be scarred for not just this life, but my next1 Especially when I have my mutant superpower! I think it will be that gambling thing, though Mystique was pretty awesome!"

"That's it. Mom, hush! Grandma, I really like the new curtains!"

"Thank you Rory. And yes I know about X-men. Your grandfather compares me to that girl who apparently steals your energy!"

"Thank you Rory. You have truly saved us all. Now who wants a martini? I have a new type of Gin I would like to try." With this, Richard busied himself with making the drinks, while the ladies chit-chatted and Rory caught them up on her life so far.

After the drinks, they sojourned to the dining room where they were served Salmon and some other fancy Greek food. They had a Greek chef this week. As they were eating and making small talk, there was a sudden crash! Then there were voices.

They all stood up and Emily immediately whispered loudly "Quick, let's go to the first floor! We are being robbed! They could have guns and knives!" She and Richard ushered Lorelai and Rory onto the first floor, where they saw the Panic Room. "Mom you cannot be serious! No we are all not going into that box!"

'Lorelai, for once, just once in your life, listen to me. Just get in. Richard, you too. Go, go."

"Mom, don't shut the door, we cannot.."

*Thud* *Click*

"Oh effing hell! Mom, please tell me someone has the code to this thing!"

"Of course not Lorelai. Do you take me for an imbecile? What is the point of a panic room if everyone knows how to get in!"

"But grandma, how are we supposed to get out?"

"Well, after a while, you will call Christopher and tell him to come and open the door."

"With what mom? Remember I'm supposed to have mutant super powers only next life. This life I have none!"

"Lorelai. Don't be daft. With your cell phone of course."

"But dad! I didn't bring my cell phone in here! It's in my bag in the sitting room. You know that mom hates it at the dining table!"

"Oh! So now it's all my fault. When all I try is to keep my family safe, keep them from getting shot or worse! I get blamed. Fine. If this is the way it is, you may all step outside of MY panic room."

"Ok mom! One, what can be worse than getting shot? You're dead! And two, we can't get out even if we wanted to!"

"Ok we all have to calm down, and the person stepping on my leg will have to step off it because I think it's broken now!" Rory cried out in pain and relief when Lorelai stepped off her foot.

"I'm sorry! I thought the room was cushioned for comfort!" She said when Rory glared at her.

Richard, standing in a corner had fallen asleep. Emily looked at him exasperated! "Well this is all very good now. We are being robbed, and we are trapped! This cannot get worse."

They stood there for about an hour, picking little fights.

"Yes mom! I still eat pop tarts for breakfast and you cannot stop me! Maybe I will eat pop tarts for dinner and lunch also."

"Lorelai, you will get diabetes! You cannot know the pain these people go through!"

"Yes. And you do right? Having had it all these years."

"I support a diabetes charity. So while I do not appreciate your sarcasm, I shall blame the fact that we are going to die in here."

"Rory, your ghost must report the "Death of the Gilmores""

"Mom! That is not going to happen! This thing has oxygen that is released in here. It will be ok."

"If only I believed you. I really don't want to die arguing with my mom and over my sleeping father."

"He looks so calm. He has a talent for sleeping whenever, wherever doesn't he?"

Suddenly there was a buzzing. Richard awoke with a start, pulled out his blackberry and looked at it. "Oh I have a call to make now. Excuse me ladies." He started dialing oblivious to all their incredulous looks. He only looked up when Emily screamed his name, rendering him momentarily deaf. "Yes dear? Is there something you wanted?"

"Dad! You had a phone? All this while you had a phone?"

"Why yes Lorelai. It would be quite disastrous if I left it lying around. Now I really must make this call."

"Dad. Please hand your phone over. Now."

"Lorelai! Do not take that tone with me."

Emily simply t0ok the phone from Richard's hand and handed it over to Lorelai. "Who are you going to call?"

"Chris."

"But how will he get in?"

"Mom! He's been "getting in" since I was 14. trust me he'll get in. Chris! Hi! So I'm in my mother's house on the first floor in a panic room with her, Rory and my dad. Could you please come and get us? Uh huh. 11111. Yeah. The default. Thanks. See you soon. And try and hurry! Bye!"

"May I have my phone back please?"

"Sure dad. Here. You ok back there Rory?"

"Yeah. This is all quite surreal."

They waited patiently while Richard raised his voice over some figures. Finally, they heard Chris.

"Lore? Is the big white thing the panic room?"

"Hey Chris! Yeah. 11111 is the code."

"Yeah I remember" he said laughing. Lorelai started laughing too.

He turned the dial and soon the door was opened. Lorelai threw herself on him. 'I have never been so happy to see you in my life!"

He hugged her back, gave her a warm kiss and asked 'So how long were you guys in there? I can't believe you all fit in!"

"Please lets not talk about it. I think I smell like my dad."

"Christopher. Thank you very much for coming out here and saving us. Now we have to take inventory."

"Oh that's no problem Emily. So why were you all in there?"

"We were being robbed."

"Robbed? Really? There was no sign of anything when I came. Except I had to break open the window upstairs. And I'm not as limber as I was."

Lorelai and Rory laughed. Suddenly, the cook came out running.

"Mrs. Gilmore! You are ok? I vas vondering if you vere fine. There is a beeg rat in kitchen. I told gardener to hit with vessel so it die."

"Was that the noise? While we were eating?"

"Yes Mrs. Gilmore. It die now."


End file.
